Day after day. Sitting in the classroom and spending huge amounts of energy just to seem like I'm interested in analytic geometry or renaissance worldview, we peek longingly at the clock, which usually is rather our enemy than an ally. We're waiting. Warm wind starts to blow more often and a neighbour threatens God as his balcony becomes completely enveloped in the shadow of a huge chestnut tree and his car gradually changes its purpose into a Pigeons Private Toilet. You can hear summer even among forever upset women living around you - it takes up to 3 minutes talking with them to know how hot it is, just in case someones thermometer has broken. As it's closer to vacations, we get happier. We miss freedom. The last bell, the last period. What happens, when the last bell rings and we are free to go, unbound with any obligations? The air escapes from within. The energy we were using for planning our holiday travels and managing the time we hadn't actually been given yet, is gone. I always attempt to explain why. What is it in this all anticipation, that makes it so much better than holidays? Expecting the freedom, the idea of it is greater than freedom itself? Likely so. Waiting for it, we can shape it and imagine exactly as we want to: as a runaway from home, a night swim in the lake or time spent in the woods alone. And as the freedom comes, it often can't live up to our expectations. Holiday freedom suffers from low self-esteem, triggered by ten months long anticipation for something amazing. That's why I don't expect. Those are my favourite days, on the border. On the border of waiting for freedom and creating it. Missing it and falling into its arms. That's when I feel vacations the most: when they haven't started yet. I can't be mad, that they're not good enough. I enjoy freedom, without expecting too much from it. Holidays aren't the best time. The best time - I call that the collection of moments when I realize, how much I need my freedom. Just like that, with no expectations.
New Look pants, H&M top, vinted jacket, H&M sunglasses, Claire's & River Island rings, H&M loafers